well some of you probably know that as part of the requirement to keep up general toolishness in the working world, i've signed up for the Chartered Financial Analyst exam which takes place this Sunday.
i hate it. it sucks.
although the material is definitely useful, the exam stinks. it is basically 2 sessions of 120 multiple-choice questions each. all memorisation, tons of details and formulas to cram, and not much of the actually creative thinking and derivation that marks most of finance.
finance is supposed tough but hey, you can rely on your wits most of the time right? plus there is always reference material and Excel to rely on. who cares whether you can figure out what Chebyshev's inequality is for 3 standard deviations within a non-normal distribution?
fuck that shit. i think i'm not gonna retake it when i fail it (40% pass rate, i've been scoring average of 50-55% on the practices). there are far more effective and efficient ways to be a good financial analyst than to try to chong for a paper qualification. after all, i have the degree from W****** right? that should be worth something.
i feel like such a failure, dammit. well turnabout is fair play, and this is payback for the 16 years' worth of exams i smoked, cheated and slacked my way through. at least most others had cheat sheets, scope for smoking and enough leeway for you to derive stuff from first principles. this one is either you memorised or didn't memorise it, with a little bit of calculator skillz (doesn't everyone use excel nowadays?) involved.
ARGH
ok, now that i've calmed down a bit, please pray for me that i can survive this, and that i will be able to deal with the impending failure. haven't really "not passed" an exam since, well, Sec 2 (8th grade) so it's been awhile.
---
Friday, 30 November 2007
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
Monday, 26 November 2007
fragments of memories
i should be studying for my exam now, but saw a post on someone else's blog, and just had to write. this is written partly in stream of consciousness, partly in prose, and might possibly be disjointed.
"And if I say: 'I will not make mention of Him, nor speak any more in His name', then there is in my heart, as it were, a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I weary myself to hold it in, but cannot." ~ Jeremiah 20:9
And He said: 'Let me go, for the day breaks.' And he said: 'I will not let you go, except if you bless me.' And He said unto him: 'What is your name?' And he said: 'Jacob.' And He said: 'Your name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel; for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.' ~ Genesis 32:27-29
Has anyone seen the sun set in the aftermath of a thunderstorm, with the city lights flashing darkly off an angry red sky?
While some have been given the path of innocent trust, of wide-eyed wonder and optimism, of an infectious (possibly artificial?) brightness and moderation.... A path walked in conjunction luckily, for their personality is magnetic, with a concerned and buzzing group of like-minded people for support. But for others -
The path to walk is in the heights by the path of daggers,
Where skies are ebony, scarlet, or granite, or a brilliant sapphire,
Left with nothing but a Word as a lamp for my feet,
Of trust tinged with doubt and patience and belief
Of narrow, observing eyes -- peeled for danger yet impressed by miracles
Of the meaningful paradoxical no man's land between a struggling despair with the weight of the world against the infinite crumb of hope (extracted at great cost from the bottom of Pandora's Box) brought about, as it were, by the Absolute and Infinite.
A path of hermits, a path of the solitary traveller, a path of the discoverer of new worlds, a path lonely but never alone.
Much has changed - four years of wringing out the misanthropy has changed me into someone who is energised, indeed cannot survive, without meaningful human company.
There once was a Christian man who asked an Atheist: How many lives has your faith changed for the better?
And why, at one fell swoop, has it all been taken away? Leaving nothing but ghostly voices and 8-bit expressions from the ether? Allowed to suffer once more with desires raging out of control and wrongly repressed to conform with the Right?
(Do I entertain you?
Do I preoccupy you with my wit to cover this lie?
Are you mesmerized?
Do you think me faithful, do you think me a clown?
I picked out this shirt, I put on this hat
I wore all this paint just for you)
(All the feelings they remain like a still life
A dying swan song forever lost your cries of glory)
Does anyone know the two songs (same title) which contain these lines?
Through it all, nothing like the Word of God. Nothing like its song and its gentle whisper, for God was not in the wind, nor in the earthquake, nor in the fire.
"In Him there is no darkness at all."
Whisper words of comfort. Of sense in this dreary and upside-down world. Is there someone watching my back? Who is there to say, "Be Still!" But why does the same One subject me to all these things? Does sin increase, so that grace increase all the more? Lead us not into temptation.
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him ~ Philippians 3:7-9a
"And if I say: 'I will not make mention of Him, nor speak any more in His name', then there is in my heart, as it were, a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I weary myself to hold it in, but cannot." ~ Jeremiah 20:9
And He said: 'Let me go, for the day breaks.' And he said: 'I will not let you go, except if you bless me.' And He said unto him: 'What is your name?' And he said: 'Jacob.' And He said: 'Your name shall be called no more Jacob, but Israel; for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.' ~ Genesis 32:27-29
Has anyone seen the sun set in the aftermath of a thunderstorm, with the city lights flashing darkly off an angry red sky?
While some have been given the path of innocent trust, of wide-eyed wonder and optimism, of an infectious (possibly artificial?) brightness and moderation.... A path walked in conjunction luckily, for their personality is magnetic, with a concerned and buzzing group of like-minded people for support. But for others -
The path to walk is in the heights by the path of daggers,
Where skies are ebony, scarlet, or granite, or a brilliant sapphire,
Left with nothing but a Word as a lamp for my feet,
Of trust tinged with doubt and patience and belief
Of narrow, observing eyes -- peeled for danger yet impressed by miracles
Of the meaningful paradoxical no man's land between a struggling despair with the weight of the world against the infinite crumb of hope (extracted at great cost from the bottom of Pandora's Box) brought about, as it were, by the Absolute and Infinite.
A path of hermits, a path of the solitary traveller, a path of the discoverer of new worlds, a path lonely but never alone.
Much has changed - four years of wringing out the misanthropy has changed me into someone who is energised, indeed cannot survive, without meaningful human company.
There once was a Christian man who asked an Atheist: How many lives has your faith changed for the better?
And why, at one fell swoop, has it all been taken away? Leaving nothing but ghostly voices and 8-bit expressions from the ether? Allowed to suffer once more with desires raging out of control and wrongly repressed to conform with the Right?
(Do I entertain you?
Do I preoccupy you with my wit to cover this lie?
Are you mesmerized?
Do you think me faithful, do you think me a clown?
I picked out this shirt, I put on this hat
I wore all this paint just for you)
(All the feelings they remain like a still life
A dying swan song forever lost your cries of glory)
Does anyone know the two songs (same title) which contain these lines?
Through it all, nothing like the Word of God. Nothing like its song and its gentle whisper, for God was not in the wind, nor in the earthquake, nor in the fire.
"In Him there is no darkness at all."
Whisper words of comfort. Of sense in this dreary and upside-down world. Is there someone watching my back? Who is there to say, "Be Still!" But why does the same One subject me to all these things? Does sin increase, so that grace increase all the more? Lead us not into temptation.
But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him ~ Philippians 3:7-9a
Saturday, 24 November 2007
low morale
i think i need someone to kick my ass, like, big time to shake me out of this stupor.
swung back to the low end of the mania-depression spectrum again, only this time it's not the i-want-to-kick-your-ass kind of sadness, but more the i-am-sad-and-i-suck kind. yechhh. not normal.
does everyone really assume that there are no passions, no mania, no soft-and-fuzziness and no lacerations under the boiler plate sardonic humour and unflappable countenance?
swung back to the low end of the mania-depression spectrum again, only this time it's not the i-want-to-kick-your-ass kind of sadness, but more the i-am-sad-and-i-suck kind. yechhh. not normal.
does everyone really assume that there are no passions, no mania, no soft-and-fuzziness and no lacerations under the boiler plate sardonic humour and unflappable countenance?
Tuesday, 20 November 2007
no worries, eh?
this artist occasionally blasphemes, but he's got a good point every now and then:
http://www.sinfest.net
http://www.sinfest.net
Thursday, 15 November 2007
the history of medicine
saw this somewhere:
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 BC - "Here, eat this root."
1000 BC - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 AD - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 AD - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 AD - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 AD - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root."
things are moving forward now, perhaps at light speed. not bored anymore, but on the verge of being overwhelmed. may God save my ass again, like he always does!
"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 BC - "Here, eat this root."
1000 BC - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 AD - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 AD - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 AD - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 AD - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root."
things are moving forward now, perhaps at light speed. not bored anymore, but on the verge of being overwhelmed. may God save my ass again, like he always does!
Saturday, 10 November 2007
it's been awhile
generally, when i don't blog for awhile, it means that i have been deliriously happy with my state of life. unfortunately, the past three weeks (or months) do not fall into this category.
if you want any more dirt, we'll probably have to take it private.
there's a girl in there somewhere though. it's an odd feeling, considering that i've sworn off that particular vice for the better part of 2½ years already. nice person, not sure if i'm ready or she's ready, but it would be nice if the picture was a little less hazy, or i was a little more patient.
one problem with making friends with girls here is that they instantaneously think you're trying to get into a relationship. most irritating to forming conducive friendships, considering that in my previous life, most of my friends were female (which makes me quite the ladies' man hur hur hur)
(i'm taking a bit of a risk here, considering that she does have access to my facebook profile with this URL on there, but what the heck)
i think a lot of deep thoughts on the commute. i wish i could note them down somewhere, but they all come out in the all-too-frequent farts that happen when i sit down in my comfy chair at work or at home. i will probably make billions if i ever got to remembering them and putting them into practice.
work has improved a little bit, thankfully. i am busy, if not very challenged.
i visited a couple with their newborn baby. *waves at baby jed*
a Malay tradition has it that the only 5 material things a man needs to be happy is: a wife, a home, a horse, a singing bird, and a kris knife. is it too much to ask?
i want to sing. i wish someone else could sing with me. one, or many, it doesn't matter. maybe i can serenade too. i have not serenaded before.
and also listen to classical music and elaborately arranged trance and heavy rock tracks; and poofle around the city to explore its nooks and crannies; and talk and think deep stuff about life, the universe and everything; and pray; and praise; and to share the warmth of a common presence; and cook and eat mouth-watering delicacies; and travel and see the wonderful sights, sounds, textures, smells and tastes of creation; and spar with using outrageous thoughts and uncommon angles; and to do good and give back to society; and most of all to reflect that one Love which is the raison d'etre of all men and to which we cling to in the darkest days.
why was it built up, only to be torn down? although new life does not arise unless a seed dies.
there are many opportunities to make money, given the right instruments. you cannot serve both God and Mammon.
it's no longer just betrayals. maybe people just move on and have short memories. loyalty is a valuable commodity. can we put up an ETF for that?
why don't people return my calls and SMSes?
and thus the tick-tick-tick of the mind goes on, ignorant of the 1% fall in the Dow.
who in the world reads this in the first place?
if you want any more dirt, we'll probably have to take it private.
there's a girl in there somewhere though. it's an odd feeling, considering that i've sworn off that particular vice for the better part of 2½ years already. nice person, not sure if i'm ready or she's ready, but it would be nice if the picture was a little less hazy, or i was a little more patient.
one problem with making friends with girls here is that they instantaneously think you're trying to get into a relationship. most irritating to forming conducive friendships, considering that in my previous life, most of my friends were female (which makes me quite the ladies' man hur hur hur)
(i'm taking a bit of a risk here, considering that she does have access to my facebook profile with this URL on there, but what the heck)
i think a lot of deep thoughts on the commute. i wish i could note them down somewhere, but they all come out in the all-too-frequent farts that happen when i sit down in my comfy chair at work or at home. i will probably make billions if i ever got to remembering them and putting them into practice.
work has improved a little bit, thankfully. i am busy, if not very challenged.
i visited a couple with their newborn baby. *waves at baby jed*
a Malay tradition has it that the only 5 material things a man needs to be happy is: a wife, a home, a horse, a singing bird, and a kris knife. is it too much to ask?
i want to sing. i wish someone else could sing with me. one, or many, it doesn't matter. maybe i can serenade too. i have not serenaded before.
and also listen to classical music and elaborately arranged trance and heavy rock tracks; and poofle around the city to explore its nooks and crannies; and talk and think deep stuff about life, the universe and everything; and pray; and praise; and to share the warmth of a common presence; and cook and eat mouth-watering delicacies; and travel and see the wonderful sights, sounds, textures, smells and tastes of creation; and spar with using outrageous thoughts and uncommon angles; and to do good and give back to society; and most of all to reflect that one Love which is the raison d'etre of all men and to which we cling to in the darkest days.
why was it built up, only to be torn down? although new life does not arise unless a seed dies.
there are many opportunities to make money, given the right instruments. you cannot serve both God and Mammon.
it's no longer just betrayals. maybe people just move on and have short memories. loyalty is a valuable commodity. can we put up an ETF for that?
why don't people return my calls and SMSes?
and thus the tick-tick-tick of the mind goes on, ignorant of the 1% fall in the Dow.
who in the world reads this in the first place?
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