grey skies

i miss snow. ok, i don't really want to admit it, but i miss walking through the biting cold and being able to walk around in shorts not because it's hot, but because your heater is at full blast.

but i don't miss short days yet. viva 7pm sunsets all year around!

exercise cut

well you are disappointed, but at least you succeeded in other ways.

faith, patience and gentleness!

shades of purple

i saw a beautiful sunset in the sky today, and knew that there was a God.

dead reckoning

people use the above idiom quite loosely. but how many of us actually know what it means?

= = =

we will be presenting this song as the offertory in next week's service. i quite like it. although we won't be wearing the ruffled collars!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_LfvZVwCOI

= = =

two big things in life right now. better than idleness, but difficult. big rewards but huge risk. sometimes i just feel like retreating into a little ball and waiting it out till Armageddon blows over, but it isn't an option is it? if it's not society say go-go-go, it is the dark energy inside that pushes you forward. in this month's MCS newsletter - how do you stop and go at the same time?

the sky is a beautiful lilac colour, fading to a gaseous cobalt and then finally to black. it is beautiful, esp with the lightning streaking across the sky at irregular intervals.

timeline: 12 months. fighting for survival. fighting to remain relevant. fighting against the inner venom to portray a veneer of civility, although self-control has slipped and have been reprimanded for it. fighting to get out of this mediocrity trap, for a piece of the action.

timeline: 18 months. this, unfortunately, is not a fight. my sister is probably right -- i will have to put my competitive spirit aside. this is a huge headache. this is something which you are definitely Playing To Win, but you can't really play in such a way that you will win, because you will lose. get it? you'll still have to plan, yes. you'll still have to hedge, yes. you'll still have to work hard and squander resources and go through heartaches of occasional failure and mistakes. but you cannot adopt an attitude where you Play To Win, although you hope you'll win.

this is bizarrely preposterous. usually the way forward is to work with a plan. no plan, still can improvise. but one thing is constant - you had better know what you are doing. what if you don't know what you are doing?

and to top it all off, the main capability - the procurement and processing of information - is severely handicapped in this case. you can't gather information, because of the unwanted signalling effects, and of course the trouble with giving a Wrong Impression. as for processing... forget about it. the usual instruments and protocols do not work in this case. outsourcing is useful, but the effects are limited. how can one work towards an objective with deliberately limited information?

failure is an option, but i fear that the sour taste of this failure will never leave the mouth, a bit like the salt taste in the mouth after a Carl's Jr Double Bacon Guacamole topped with a Large Chilli Cheese Fries.

it's like it's all rigged to unravel in an ugly manner. yuck.

but through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out (but needed a drip)

there are many people who are conventionally conventional. they are, mostly, boring.

there are some who run with the counter-culture (of whatever shade or form), but conform closely to the counter-culture.

therefore, the only way to be a true non-conformist is to be both conventional and unconventional at the same time.

i'm doin' it my way! (or not?) =p

= = =

and so it begins. punctuating the gloom and darkness with what will hopefully be two new beginnings after 18 months in the wilderness.

patience is the order of the day. forgiveness was "amakudari-sed" (from the japanese, go look it up) within a painful span of 6 months, but patience being patience is likely to take longer and a lot more effort. at least we have a hard deadline of 19 months and 12 months for each of these tasks.

for the first of the two tasks, this time it's serious. if something don't come hard, it's not worth having. this is the deal of a lifetime. the first time it was attempted it was too easy, and it collapsed in tears. and an added reward (bonus prize wowza!) that this other demon can finally be exorcised.

the second perhaps, is half about patience and half about fighting spirit. there is only one road out from a dead end, but many paths beyond that. you cannot let the creeping mediocrity of the place get to you.

hello?

can the visitor who visited this website at approximately 6.15pm, 30 October (Eastern Time), or 6.15am, 31 October (Singapore time) drop me a line!

you are visitor #8,888!!! (now that's lucky) =)

!!!

phillies win the world series!!! =)

wow, the curse is finally lifted, and by the unlikeliest team of all.

i wish i was there to celebrate on the streets there.

wow!

tough to pick a market bottom

work

1. Lack of trust
- constantly bypassed
- lack of confidence in abilities
- knock-on effect => erosion of trust in superiors as well
- good attitude does not pay dividends - even extra hours spent scrubbing stuff

2. Lack of challenge
- overqualification / lack of utilisation of skill sets
- lack of interest
- insufficient complexity
- large amount of spare capacity
- bond

OUTCOME: unmotivated, no VA

projects 2009

1. drive car
- relearn how to drive in city
- achieve mobility independence

2. pass CFA Level 3 (Jun 09)
- tough one. lots of memorisation

3. buff up
- muscles!

it is a lifelong process

today i learnt several things:

- i learnt about the kind of person i would be if i remained a christian-ish Humanist, rather than a Christian with humanist ideals. i realised the difference which my conversion made.

- i believe that God is in control and that he is bigger than everything that's happening.

- three values (among others) made my city great: being clean, being hardworking, and being smart.

- i am no longer certain these reside here anymore, or at least we aren't taking in this kind of people.

"For wisdom is protection just as money is protection, but the advantage of knowledge is that wisdom preserves the lives of its possessors." Ecc 7:12

- skills and friends are both a hedge.
- but what if it is a case where knowledge and wisdom are exclusive?

"MYSTERY
BABYLON THE GREAT
THE MOTHER OF PROSTITUTES
AND OF THE ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH

...The woman that you saw is the great city that rules over the kings of the earth." Rev 17

- not a city, but a City (think concept, rather than place. the Bible is very conceptual.
- would we be willing to see our beloved city become a prostitute, or flee?

fragrant harbour

off to hong kong till sunday. the world appears to have been saved, for a little while at least. we can start cleaning up the mess again on Monday, when someone else goes bankrupt over the weekend.

i have put the contingency plans in place, so i can go off for a bit of peace, thank God, though i will have to suss out some kind of market intelligence there.

maybe some time to rest, reflect and write. going into slightly unfamiliar territory for the first time in 16 months, so maybe some of the old wanderlust and independence will return.

i can write as well as a certain friend of mine, but i go on record to say i admire callforfire's writing.

i am planning to write 2 letters.

1. respect / admiration
2. brotherhood / sisterhood
3. wisdom / awareness

high cost but low value. or was it low cost and high value?

It sucks to be you
(Sucks to be me)
(Sucks to be us)
But not when we're together.
Here on Avenue Q!
We live on Avenue Q!
Our friends do too!
'Til our dreams
Come true,
We live on Avenue Q!

pain and polarisation. polarisation then pain.

the sunshine would just dissolve me into light

the feds have decided to bail wall street out. chumps.

though a disorderly unwinding would've been worse, i don't think the politically unpopular solution of forcing a shakeout of the crap that's in the financial system will go ahead. lots of uncertainty still in the future.

tired. i don't think i have the energy to blog or even email anymore (write too much at work!). let's set up voice conversations, or IM ones if voice is not feasible.

i think showing concern for people is a good thing. things like remembering small details, just generally being there, especially when times are hard (i'm no good when times are good, you can survive on your own just right, yeah?). trouble is some people find it kinda creepy. sigh.

the gift of encouragement is only matched by the propensity for self-flagellation.

watch it close, let it brew, wait

{one}
i don't know if i'm doing the right thing. well on the surface is the right thing, watching out for the widow, fatherless and alien and all that.

however, you gotta be careful you're doing it for the right reasons, and if you love someone you have to ensure that he / she is set up in the best possible circumstances, and not necessarily to satisfy your desire for advancement or fulfillment.

{two}
i don't think i've ever been good at this. i probably came *this* close to succeeding twice before (i suspect), but the whole race / language barrier was a deal-breaker.

i don't think i'm an asshole, though i do have episodes. and i think i'm a little too real for most people who are chasing the illusion.

{three}
i think it's time to enter soon. the US markets are remaining stubbornly afloat though. yuck.

{four}
i have the utmost respect for people who possess great beauty but do not use it as a weapon.

OMG I WANT I WANT I WANT

credit: http://www.mwctoys.com/REVIEW_060908a.htm

i think they may have got it kind of right this time

i may have written some time ago that central bankers weren't jacking up interest rates enough to kill off commodity price inflation. well, it appears that slowdown / deflation has saved their asses this time, which leaves monetary policy (on average) sufficiently loose to prime the pump for an economic recovery. though there should be more thought given to alternative energies, etc. now.

random shout-out to Mr McAvoy - Hi Nick!

i like visitors

visitors (esp those that you know) are fun. they make you feel alive again, and loved (as you are in a sense, taking in the "alien"). meeting up with like-minded people is also good. its just nice to have those nice long conversations. even though sometimes it might be abbreviated, and without awkwardness.

it used to be that having a long life was seen as a blessing. if anyone got passed the big 6-0, he / she was regarded as worthy of respect, and in many cases a pillar of the community.

but nowadays, people talk of "longevity risk", as it is now a big downside to someone else if you're living long. the loss of respect for elders due to the over-emphasis on youth part has been around for quite awhile already, as is age-ism in the workplace. but now there seems to be a fundamental societal shift towards regarding long life as a risk to be hedged against, cause you are too 废 (useless)

er

recently, i've started to journal. so this means that all the angsty thoughts are now committed to a little exercise book rather than blogspot, so this means less angsty, meaty thoughts here. will still put something up if the urge seizes though.

one year anniversary is good. stability. better than veering from high madness to low madness, so it is good. activities, a new community. picking up steam, cutting off the deadwood of the old. feels like a new world now. more refreshing. new people, new activities, new me, hopefully.

and without thinking too much about it, hopefully a way to move forward and not run around like a headless chicken anymore.

oh yes, and the Chinese version of wiki has an auto-translate to simplified. i am happy.

live forever, for the moment

you know your life is screwed up when an old Spice Girls song gets stuck on "replay" in your head. mind you, Viva Forever is pretty decent by any standards, but still...

still on music - some of you would be familiar with my distaste for modern Christian rock / pop / whatever worship music. glad to say that i've gotten more accepting about it over the years, but there is still a discomfort with the whole genre which i can't completely put my finger on. perhaps its exacerbated by the love i have for most "traditional" worship styles:

- mostly not performed by any artiste or the property of any record company (and therefore "common property";
- sung "live" rather than on a record - the intimate human element;
- that soaring feeling you get when you sing a complicated line or a cheem one with deep meaning expressed through complex language (yes i'm a snob)
- etc.

while modern worship music is "in tune" and energetic like young people should be (thus it serves a purpose in connecting people to God after all), for me it's largely about achieving a shallow "feel good" state. kind of losing yourself, but not really hitting the God thing. and did i talk about how it's too loud most of the time? i can't hear you man! although sometimes God shouts through the cacophony and knocks it into some semblance of "true worship". i still like the intense, still, quiet voice that erases all doubt rather than trying to overwhelm your attention.

not to mention that many modern worship leaders are epitomes of "interminable". at least for hymns you can only sing the same verse and the chorus a couple of times before the intensity knocks the breath out of you. bad leaders go on and on at a low level until they bore the crap out first. yeesh.

ok, end rant. like i said, it's good for some people, but maybe i'm just behind the times (or too far ahead). that's why i choose to wake up at 7.00am on Sunday mornings.

whewww...

so She Aten't Dead after all. after cutting out zonealarm, figured that it was really a software problem, and now she's hale and hearty again! hooray for Thinkpads =)

following on from nick mc's comment. forgot to mention also that passion hurts people... and most people prefer the insipidity of coolness to the fire of passion, so they resist it and it forms a wall. but no passion also cannot, cos ppl think you're a dud.

tough choices, as i like to say.

disaster!

i am in what is commonly known as a Bad Mood. not the usual grouchiness, pretty pissed off.

the trusty laptop is dead. the old girl finally gave up the ghost after four years of faithful service. she still turns on and stuff, it's just that she can't access the internet anymore, which is the computer equivalent of being brain dead.

is it wrong to tell off someone that you're disappointed she keeps turning you down?

is it wrong to give up and schedule stuff over an appointment pre-emptively when you know that other person's unreliableness will soon take over and the appointment will get cancelled anyway?

apparently some people at work have discovered i'm cheerful and enthusiastic about some things. maybe its a secret that should be let on a little bit more. it's just weird though, being enthusiastic about something that is totally boring. a considered coolness and disinterest is much more energy conserving though. plus you don't get surprised too much.

the root is fear, because passion means suffering. and to let your suffering show, is weakness. how would you give yourself to those who might not understand?

but there is no connection.

tubthumpin

annual dinner was good. won a nice prize by coming in 2nd for the video we made (it might make it up onto youtube sometime). it was good to get the high and rush from a do-or-die environment of organising, eating, and going on stage at the same time. good kind of tired.

a significant outcome of the weekend was the acquisition of the "smoking gun" data needed to make a decision to excise a particular relationship. flee temptation as they say.

perhaps it will be necessary to change tack a little bit and to resurrect that "teaser" side, the chatty and game extrovert, unafraid of being the occasional ass and "inviting yourself" to things. of course the best relationships are the ones which go deep. unfortunately, those involve some amount of digging. props to the ones who have pried me open successfully, occasionally with a crowbar. i hope the rewards are worth the while.

maybe its just me, or are the people here (or is it work?) just too "disinterested"? they seem to be perfectly happy with the little circle they've drawn around themselves, and are willing to pick up on the inconsistencies, the interesting shit, the anomalies, the flips in texture of reality. unfortunately its hard to get along with the interesting people, cos they're either too busy working, have issues, or are just plain assholes, or all three. trust me, i know =p

its the one-year anniversary. some people say that it takes this amount of time to get used to the reverse culture shock. but it doesn't really feel like it. what there is is a sense of alienation, as you are now fully cut-off from your old surroundings but floating as some kind of foreign particle in a new petri dish.

back to work tomorrow. it's been pretty attritional, and not all of it very uplifting. oh well where are the ECAs and the hot chicks???

no it won't go all the way it should but i know that the heart of life is good

Sir

Thank you for encouraging us to share our views with you. I apologise for the long lag in sending these views in, and hope that they prove useful and interesting.

1 Learning vs "Applied Learning"

While "learning", in terms of the acquisition of knowledge and training hours, is an important concept in our organisation, "applied learning" is less so. I feel that much of this learning does not show up in terms of improved approaches to problems, and regulatory processes. Part of this is due to the hierarchial public service culture. This sometimes over-centralises decision-making and hinders questioning of existing assumptions. The other is the "silo-ed" nature of our organisation, which prevents lateral thinking. For the long haul, shifting culture and breaking down silos will be necessary in improving the application of learning. There should also be an appreciation among management that many officers are passionate about improving the organisation's business beyond their immediate job scope.

1(a) Case / Business Plan Competition

On this note, I would like to suggest a case / business plan competition, which is widely used in business schools. Participation could even count for credit towards the Academy. Under this initiative, officers from different departments can work together on projects, and then present their proposals to their peers and / or management. They should also be prepared to implement their proposals if needed. Officers can either initiate their own projects, or pick up ones suggested by various departments. The scope of ideas should not be limited to narrow work issues, but could extend to broad policy approaches and organisational issues (e.g. HR). This would utilise the pool of knowledge currently untapped among many of our younger officers.

2 Career Development

Many young officers in the organisation (myself included) are concerned about the absence of a clearly defined career development path for young officers. Especially at the junior staff level, job scopes are highly specialised and many people are unclear about how the skills acquired would be useful in the long run, both within and outside xxx.

While the Academy provides for a standardised body of technical knowledge, it would be useful to know that after a period of time, the officer should be prepared to assume certain levels of responsibility, and to possess certain managerial skills. There should also be a clear rotation system in place to cater to officers who wish to assume leadership responsibilities and obtain a wide range of experiences.

3 Community Involvement

Beyond work and the occasional RecClub event, running community involvement events would be useful in promoting bonding and "emotional involvement" among staff. Besides one-off service events, we could also form an ongoing relationship with a charitable organisation, nursing home, etc.

Once again, thanks for allowing us to share our views with you. Your openness is much appreciated.

Regards,
xxx
x9125

when you've eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth

it's been... a month? the previous post was written towards the tail end of the trip. the trip was good. meeting people and catching up is always good. as written before, it is good to be able to finally be able to let go. preposterously, life has managed to carry on without my presence there, and possibly, that phase of life and the work associated with it is finished.

did the CFA Level 2 exam last week. freaked out a lot less about it than the level 1 exam. perhaps it's resignation. but it did cause me to question the nature of my calling and ambitions. i find that as life progresses, your capacity to control things increase (e.g. increased experience, financial resources), but the stuff you're dealing with becomes that much bigger, so its a wash and you're just as helpless as before.

there are many roads to truth, but only one direction.

after the false illusion of fulfilment brought about by the busy-ness, time to fight the battle against ennui once more.

like financial transactions, there are two models of relationships - the bespoke one (one person, disparate counterparties, individually neogtiated transactions) versus the clearing house model (in a group / centralised market).

bespoke: one to many. higher transaction costs (e.g. hard to jio ppl out to do stuff). however, greater payoff (intimacy) and risk in the relationship. you are also able to get into more complex instruments, and its more customisable to your risk profile.

clearing house: the "group" identity serves as a central counterparty and common risk-sharing mechanism. however, you also have to pay membership dues. the transaction cost is lower as there is a more liquid pool of transaction (activity) partners. however, the really good deals aren't here.

the good investor, of course, does not prefer one over the other but is always well diversified. i need a fellow portfolio manager too. what kind of market to explore? ;)

i realise that now being summer, a lot of ppl in my "blogrings" are writing deep introspective things to pass the time. but i'm a shallow dude, so you gotta live with the vapid, inches-deep stuff on these pages, nyeh nyeh.

currently reading: The Black Swan, Nassim Taleb
interesting stuff. not all i agree with, but gels with a lot of axioms. finance and philosophy, who would have thought?

y'all will be disappointed

i didn't take any photos this round. didn't really see the need to. there may be a few miscellaneous ones floating around on facebook tho.

2-hour lecture

to cover it all would probably require a 2-hour (or more) type of lecture. but this trip has been good in being an epilogue to college -- i feel that after this i can well and truly say that i have drawn a line under the penn experience, with its rich landscapes and relationships, and forge onwards with constructing a new life from the fallow ashes of the previous ones.

it's nice to know that some people are less fucked up than you think they were. it takes distance and time to break out of your blinkers.

relationships and life lessons in scarcity and adversity are the biggest takeaway. i only wish that i could escape the smothering embrace of safety at home.

to start off, this trip has been an exercise in showing God's provision in the smallest things -- from catching the bus to not having to pay for accomodation to having the right change at the right time.

it is good to know that so many people remember you and hold you in esteem. an appropriate ego boost i guess, at a stage in life where you are trying to re-establish yourself starting from the bottom of the heap. however, coming back here has made me more painfully aware of the many divergent paths in life -- i can understand your path, but i have chosen another and cannot be your partner going forward. what do i really want to do? i want to have a good professional, spiritual and family life, but it's obviously going to look very different. for someone who runs on belief, it is not so sure anymore.

manhattan (as opposed to the "real" NYC is Queens, Brooklyn and the Bronx - Staten Island is really part of NJ) is a theme park ("fantasyland" being inappropriate) for rich people and tourists. you earn tons, but stuff is so bloody expensive there that you don't have savings anyway. there is something wrong-feeling about the binge living which Manhattanites do -- very much an uber-consumer, as you work like mad, and then do cool stuff like mad on the weekends. hard to build depth. plus your houses are still so small! you only live for yourself, which is a far-ranging concept i now find discomforting. although it still sucks having so many responsibilities at home.

it is difficult living in such a unique combination of multiple worlds, that you realise you are utterly alone.

itinerary

for common reference:

Thu 1: arrive EWR 5.50pm
Thu-Sat 1-3: NYC
Sun-Wed 4-7: Boston / New England
Wed 7: arrive PHL 6.55pm
Wed-Fri 7-9: PHL
Fri-Mon 9-12: NYC
Tue-Sun 13-18: PHL
Mon 19: depart PHL 6.55am

who will dance on the floor in the round

Currently Reading: The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

attended interesting talk by a couple of imf economists today. they painted a fairly pessimistic view for the world economy, with a 25% (iirc) chance that there will be a global recession. america is probably already in one, and europe to follow, but emerging economies will diverge (though not decouple) - currently forecasting that momentum will carry us through.

i'd like to focus on the last one, that emerging economies are likely to go through based on momentum - we will only be derailed by a prolonged recession. (although they did highlighted that the risks are on the downside).

while tail risks in the financial sector have been averted with the flood of liquidity into the system, i believe that the forecast does not account for tail risks on the socio-political front, especially with inflation taking centrestage.

asians in general are a pretty stoic lot, willing to work long hours for low wages. however the breaking point comes when the rice (yes, rice) bowl is affected, as is the case now. inflation may lead to irrational policy decisions (like food price controls) or worse, rioting among the populace, which could knock on to political instability (see Tiananmen Square 1989). the effects of these fallouts would be exponential rather than linear. growth aside, this could possibly cause further adverse effects on commodity prices, or even on manufactured goods prices.

bearish, huh?

[next change: is bernanke's belief that liquidity would help (just like it should have in the great depression) tenable?]

well three weeks of discipline went down the chute today. hopefully we'll be able to pick it up and polish it up again. before this, slipped a couple of times, but the incidents were minor enough that you could shrug it off. this one's different though. a wave, five minutes walking to the destination, three in an enclosed area and that insidious magic was worked. why do you think i have been studiously and rigorously avoiding even the teetchiest bit of contact? this fragile edifice will take a little while to duct tape back together again.

stretch

empty. things have picked up a little bit... some bright spots on the horizon, but it's important to be patient. hopefully once this bloody exam is over, i can put "Get A Life Plan B" into action. thinking of:

- working with the alien, widow, fatherless, etc.
- get in shape
- relearn to drive
- learn about the really fun finance stuff ~ i.e. build some models of my own
- some kind of outdoorsy stuff

still working on the relationships (not The Relationship - that's been put on the back-burner for now... possibly to stew =p). but its probably gonna be hard to rebuild the old structure from college. and the old-old structure from wayyy before isn't relevant anymore. not many worth cultivating there. it is important to cultivate a wide variety of people, and yet not sink into the mire of plain "networking".

what's necessary will be confidantes. with a home base you can take on the world. but they ain't easy to come by. and very few people make good confidantes.

it feels quite odd. i guess it's the suburban rot setting in. away from the squalor (sp?) of West and North Philadelphia, poverty feels distant. even in the Neighbouring Country, the areas which i frequent don't really have poverty. yet it is a very real issue that was one of those which caused the government great losses in the last election. where are the deeds? replaced by an empty "let them eat cake" mentality, when i give from the wallet (not nearly enough) but not from the heart.

a lot of economic-type thoughts floating around, with good analysis, but somehow they don't quite make it to writing. maybe someone can suggest a topic for commentary?

24601

many things, disjointed.

perhaps it's not that you've become a poor listener, but you've been listening to all the wrong things?

maybe the right course of action was not to "do nothing" but to "do something else". seeing things start up again, but still that lost vital kernel is out there, somewhere.

have adopted something quite close to the "nuclear option". there's been no pushback yet, not even a "haven't seen you in awhile." is it vindication? i did not even dare to look at the expression on your face (if any) today. but... purity! i have sacrificed you, or rather that caricature of you for purity. may i gain You and you in the bargain.

asset-backed securities are evil. i have just discovered their fiendish complexity. how does anyone value something like that reliably? plus there are so many loopholes and hidden default scenarios that it smells like one huge Ponzi scheme. toxic, my dear, toxic.

what does it mean not to be a "conventional Christian", yet still not slip into untruth? you don't want to do the cliches and the empty promises. you want to maintain the grittiness and perserverance and general going-through-shit that the Master certainly had. but it's not easy to avoid the venom, the self-righteousness, the cynicism, or the disappointment.

i joined the church choir. this means i have to wake up at 7.00am every Sunday morning. Warm-ups at 8, service at 8.30, breakfast at 10, rehearsal 11 till 1. i like singing though. it's a challenge singing in parts rather than the melody - you get strange sounds stuck in your head. i am now one of three tenors in the choir. got shanghaied in a part wayyyy high for the natural bass-baritone cos they needed people there.

God gives you strange gifts and asks you to make odd and painful sacrifices.

there are a few grains of economic insight somewhere, but we shall reserve them... for the next post. i am tired.

hope floats

no more titles from songs.

the last one was from Eminem's Sing for the Moment.

it's a new fiscal year next week, and since money is my 2nd favourite thing, why not do a belated new year's resolution?

let's try again this weekend to reload.
to resolve to purge the mind of this obsession
to release
to be in the truth
to let the truth set you free
to look once again for life, and the love that surpasses all understanding

a decisive break, and a resolution, despite there being no resolution.

well can it load a gun up for you, and cock it too?

last week: You Once Told Me, Andain

can music alter moods? it certainly can. listening to the ipod can bring you from a wonderful surreal, psychedelic audioscape where you are floating on a sea of endorphins to bring you to a trough where you are stepping through a nettled field of something... which are not endorphins.

i like trance music because trance is one of the few genres of music where the beat, the complexity, and the many channels and possibilities and combinations drown everything else out in an intense wall of sound. an temporary escape from your problems into a small belt of welcome exhiliration amid the ennui.

and ENNUI! ack! sometimes the dark energy inside seems fit to burst out in a berserk frenzy of nihilism. but there's something holding back. is it the helping hand of divine intervention or simply the shackles of cowardice?

i read Naruto on a regular basis and those of you who have been keeping up with the series will know that the Itachi's overuse of the Mangekyo Sharingan, his personal "eye technique", is causing him to lose his eyesight. wondering if the same thing is actually happening to me.

no i don't have his superpowers of ninjutsu or genjutsu. though i wish i did. i'd give my bosses the illusion that i'm actually doing work and deserve a promotion =p

but seriously. those of you who know me know that i read ferociously quickly, and with the amount of crap i have to comb through everyday at work this ability is being taxed to the max. occasionally it hurts plowing through stuff so intensely. not just the eyes but also the mind. there is some sort of decay... the insight comes at a physical, mental and spiritual price. sometimes the processing speed is so fast that the non-reasoning person is unable to take it, and creaks and soon collapses under the weight of knowing too much.

Oh, man with the eyes of fire, you have been put out and put out!

in a sea, in a dream that's so far away

last week was some spanish song, whose title slips my mind.

the past couple of weeks have been pretty fierce. i don't know how i got the energy to pull those 13-15 hour days and still be bright and perky the next morning. even though i have trouble sleeping, and stress jolts me awake at 2am in the morning thinking about the effect of stock market drops on trading halts and price limits and stuff like that.

either i'm getting used to it, or there's some divine intervention going on here.

have to be careful not to be proud.

which has actually brought some thoughts about working style. for once we're not horsing around here, as this is a real job with real prospects - i guess the internship counts as well, but we all know i wasn't ever working really hard then?

this is different from school. in school other people worked hard, but i got by actually without working really hard. kind of flouncing my way through classes with an easy style, relying 75% on natural brilliance and maturity (ha!) rather than grit and determination. after all, the objective was just score the 6 points, the 4 As, the minimum needed to get to the next level, yes? of course part of it was the whole "safety first" Singapore mechanism, where you were risk-averse ad stayed away from stuff you couldn't really excel at, but i think we got past that in the latter stages of college.

work... is slightly different. a lot of stuff you don't like, so you gotta use grit and determination to get through the worst of the drudgery. you're actually being paid for doing it, so you can't say, "i'll write it off and try again next semester." there are human relationships and office politics. you don't just have to be damn good. you have to show you're damn good. unfortunately, everyone else is also damn good and as damn hardcore as you are. at least those on the same wavelength are, so you gotta be wary of them. those that aren't get jealous too. so gotta manage expectations and jealousies and learn how to taiji stuff away.

trying to be a good and Godly person. not easy.

pride gets in the way, and workaholism is a constant danger. the Rubik's complex demands constant problems to solve, or it creates some of its own. how to "starve the beast"? or chain it back again? especially when this beast is unshackled because another one is frustrated and you gotta keep it from doing something stupid...

pero mi forma de vivir no es digna de una reina

previous entry: Yeah!, Usher

or as dr soo likes to say, "HHHHWAT? YEEEAAAHHHH!!"

apologies for not posting last week. i was lazy.

i listened to some of Lil'Jon's crunk pieces the other day, and was quite disappointed. the genre has the potential to be a lot more than noise.

thanks to everyone for their wishes on my festival.
gracias a todos para los saludos de mi cumpleano
对在我生日送来祝福的大家，谢谢！

somehow life just feels a little bit empty. the edifice is there, but the rooms have yet to be furnished, and more importantly, yet to be populated.

work is better. it's boring, but i guess it's the whole boot camp thing. first the suffering, then the reward. young ones nowadays, must learn to take failure and pain.

economic or social issue? the coin flip comes up "economic issue"

on the nature of asset bubbles, and their deflation. different types of asset bubbles enrich different types of people (although the investment bankers, hedge fund managers, private equity executives, fat-cat CEOs and other associated thieving scum will try to cream off the top of all of these).

in the 70s, we had the commodity bubble. in the mid 80s, we had some debt bubbles and a little bit of equity (junk). in the 90s, we had a huge equity bubble. the earlier part of this decade saw a real estate / debt bubble. it seems we are swinging into another commodity bubble, which interestingly hit as soon as the previous one ended.

it seems that they are getting closer together? perhaps part of the whole contagion thing. everything just happens faster and faster. but their deflation bankrupts different sectors of the economy, i feel. however, with the increasing expansion of financial services across all asset classes (i.e. where retail was largely limited to real estate and maybe a bit of deposits and equity mutual funds, there are now all kinds of alternatives involved like commodities, HFs, PE, structured products, etc.) are we heading for a big one? and if so how do we guard against it?

much brainpower has been reallocated from developing the "real" economy to the "virtual" one of finance, i believe. not necessarily a good move, although the virtual one is more liquid and flexible and possibly easier to manage. maybe there are opportunities somewhere?

and i'm like yeah how am i supposed to leave?

does anyone know of any good spanish-language web radio stations?

previous week: American Pie, Don McLean

after the Economist has headlined the past two entries, i supposed it's time for Bitter Emo Kid to take centrestage again, for awhile. however, no one really takes Bitter Emo Kid seriously, do they?

today was one of those days where the miasma of hell hangs over this great city. even on the beach, next to the cooling sea, the sun beats down relentlessly, amplified and trapped by the humid heat haze. the smell of burning forests carries on bellows sprays of furnance blasts in mid-summer. you are almost falling apart from illness and overwork. where only sheer willpower keeps body and soul (and broken sandals) together. worse still, crowds, bawling babies, and an overnenthusiastic emcee with a powered-up boombox. you are there because you made yourself an obligation which you could have safely broken, but in some misguided notion you decided to keep anyway.

but still, in there, the realisation, that perhaps you may have received just the answer you wanted. vindication for a difficult choice made, and maybe, just maybe, the relentless tick-tick-tick can regain its proper rhythm, and what was broken can be safely restarted.

i asked her for some happy news but she just smiled and turned away

previous week: Jesus of Suburbia, Green Day

sorry this is late.

the first part of this entry is a commentary on certain points by Jonathan Weil, writing in Bloomberg News.

in a nutshell, this article is itself a commentary on Alan Greenspan's libertarian, laissez-faire views of capital markets. Greenspan is an "objectivist", a follower of Ayn Rand's philosophy, which (i believe) advocates libertarianism and minimal intervention by government to "fix" the lives of people (which makes me wonder how Greenspan became chairman of the Fed, which as a central bank is pretty darn activist by nature)

in an original 1963 essay, Greenspan argues against active consumer protection by the government as symptoms of an overreaching welfare state. he argues that businessmen's enlightened self interest and jealousy for their own reputations are sufficient to guard against most unscrupulous practices. he believes that incentives and market solutions are sufficient to regulate behaviour.

i am inclined to disagree to a very large extent, especially in the context of the "reforms" that have taken place over the past decade and a half under the Bush and Clinton administrations. Greenspan's philosophy (as stated in his original essay) may have been relevant 45 years ago when "big government" was very much in vogue, but the degree of liberalisation has shifted the paradigm the other way, and given irresponsible large corporations too much leeway for abuse, without the (admittedly ham-fisted) oversight of a public body.

i would like to offer two arguments against Greenspan's laissez-faire philosophy. in the first, i disagree with the need to preserve "reputation" as sufficient safeguard against unscrupulous behaviour by businessmen. in the context of Big Business (at least since the 1990s), we have witnessed a skewing of incentive structures such that outsize monetary rewards possibly outweigh the reputational downside from excessive risk. Stan O'Neal and Chuck Prince walked away from multi-billion dollar writedowns at Merrill Lynch and Citigroup hundreds of millions of dollars richer. why not? or what if "reputation" was the commodity worth taking risk with (e.g. Jerome Kerivel). especially with (perhaps) an increasing societal importance on material / immediate worth, i would argue that in many cases, the incentive to risk your reputation for material reward far outweighs any worries about your "name". if everyone's a greedy bastard, being exposed as one doesn't really hurt.

also, what about asymmetric information? the biggest problem facing retail investors is their lack of information. reputation is all well and good if everyone knows what you are about. also, people have imperfect judgment, so even if i do know what you are all about, i may choose to stopper up my ears and cover my eyes and just smell the promise of 200% returns. again, there is the incentive to take risks and prey on the imperfect judgment and information of other people, and the "lemon" outcome of asymmetric information - witness how dodgy mortgages were packaged and alchemised and sold on to investors.

*变脸*

ironically, the last song on the 5275 song sequence on my iPod was titled "Talk". maybe someone is trying to tell me something.

decision point has come and gone, and the decision is, well wait for it... no decision. further research has thrown up more questions than answers... although the base story is much clearer now. what is less clear though, is what current indicators mean. there is a lot of noise and short-term uncertainty, and am grasping at straws when modelling the most important variables.

and again, how do we silence the false prophet? we know what happens to false prophets, but what's the harm in a little forecasting? this "faith" thing ain't easy.

signs misleading to nowhere

I NOW HAVE EMAIL SUBSCRIPTIONS

previous week: Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen

it's a four and half day weekend because of chinese new year. nice and long time to think, and consider. i probably can't fit everything into this here post, but i'll do my best.

Tetragrammaton

this arose out of a conversation i had with a devout Jewish student i had on KC3 last year. i asked him (if he didn't mind) to speak the name of God in Hebrew. since God and i are tight buddies on the first name basis, i'm sure he wouldn't mind it being written out.

yah-weh (I "Be")

some have commented on the tense neutrality on the verb form before. the verb in this case is in the infinitive, which means that God "is" in the past, present and future. the same, yesterday today and forever.

but say the name again. this time, softly and personally. breathe the first syllable in, and then the second one out. does not the name of God sound like breath? "Yahweh God formed Adam from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and Adam became a living being."

a very profound truth, for everytime we take in and expel air for our lungs to keep us alive, we proclaim the name of God. therefore, honour every breath you take.

...

had a little bitching / whining / emotion working out session on friday, and came to the conclusion that the logic system is still paralysed, and we had come close to doing something wrong. it is a shaking revelation when you realise that you may be (inadvertently) being gamed, even though that goes against every piece of information you have about the other party.

the end product and the game plan are simple enough, but the execution and the details are difficult. it is certainly a complicated situation when it becomes an escape from the situation you were planning to use as an escape in the first place.

how do you beat someone who embodies your (almost) every weak point? However, when "I am weak, I am strong". this is one of the most difficult tests of all, but at least it involves something with a huge margin of error, and not a major career or life choice. in caroline's words, i hope that i am passionate about the right thing and standing up for it visibly, holding true to what i believe is right, and being secure and having integrity.

there is this seemingly unbridgeable disconnect with family. there are very few with that same explosive, passionate zeal or the ability to understand it.

lucid

this is a response to kreamer's excellent post, which can be found here. i wish i know more thinkers like these.

as an economist (though somewhat bastardised) by training, it is important to keep well in mind why Economics. i do agree that Economics, in the popular perception and parlance, refer to things like inflation, growth, income, unemployment and stuff to do with up your pockets.

the academic definition has to do with the allocation of scarce resources in a society. the methodological definition (as expounded upon in by kreamer) is the translation of the methods used in the physical sciences to described social phenomena (i hope i got it right). i partially disagree with this position, and will describe my own.

in essence, economics is the operation of choice, and by extension, life. its methods, while having an inherent quantitative bias, do not only encompass mathematical concepts but also qualitative ones.

consider "mundane" economic choices. should i take a bus now that price of petrol has increased? should i ask my employer for a raise? or tougher ones. should i blink and cut interest rates by 75 basis points? (bernake blinked!). making these decisions require some form of the supply and demand calculations which every good economist knows how to execute.

let us extend it to unconscious economic (or sociological?) choices. should Clan A split away from Tribe X, and why? (food supplies? oversupply of chieftain wannabes?) should Paris make a move for Helen of Troy? what chance does he have of succeeding and what should he do to maximise these chances? (how attractive is Paris? are there any incumbents to unseat, or not?) all these are also conducive to the application of "economic thought". some of these are covered in Stephen Levitt's (UChicago) work.

or extending it to the physical sciences. a "vacuum" denotes an overdemand / undersupply of "stuff" in a particular space. why do birds not get electrocuted when they perch of power lines? how does the body know certain organs / cells lack particular substances?

though the disciplines may seem divergent at first, there is some kind of convergence, some kind of common underlying logic that manifests itself in physics, chemistry, economics, linguistics, music, etc.

therefore, from that slight disagreement, i return to the common conclusion that a purpose is to inform action to improve the human condition and to seek God through the advancement of our study.

(hope this makes sense)

新年快乐！

greetings from Petaling Jaya, Malaysia!

new year's with the family isn't that bad after all... there's a nice house to sleep in (very different from the broken down kampong house i'm used to) and the relatives are much more pleasant than expected (i.e. there are cute babies and no one has asked me ... yet ... why i don't have a girlfriend). back in Singapore on Friday, things are holding up!

to all Chinese readers, a very happy and prosperous Chinese New Year.

to all readers in Penn or New York, go see the New Year parades in Philadelphia / New York chinatowns!

scaramouche scaramouche will you dance the fandango?

previous week: Valentine's Day, Linkin Park

update 5/2: i signed up for the next phase of the stupid exam! woohoo! happy mugging!

thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening, indeed.

this week's comes a little early as there is a lot pent-up energy. i thank God that, in general, that i have been uncharacteristically energetic since i started work. there's something about getting things done, and learning on the job, that has chased away the lethargy. of course there is a side-effect of vapidity, as outlined in last week's post.

the trouble with all this pent-up energy is that, while it is self-sustaining and very effective, there is a very real danger of collapse if stimuli fail or are removed. this contributes to increased volatility and mood swings. emotions too, being a one-player market, are difficult to hedge. anchors and standards are necessary, but take time to latch on to.

is it better to be a big fish in a small pond, or a medium sized fish in a big pond?

maybe i should start rethinking my policy of position of not liking to schedule stuff.

the US presidential election is quite surprisingly, down to what is effectively a four-horse race. the intensity and bad blood at such an early stage of the competition surprises me, but it seems that Obama and Clinton have seen through the fact that in order to beat the Republicans, they have to put up at least a show of party unity. in my opinion, if the two join together to form a presidential / vice-presidential ticket, it would be a sure winner. race and gender issues aside, both offer a good mix of policy wonk-ism and change-ism. of course, there's always the danger that they will do something completely different when they take office...

on the republican side, its mccain hands down. as for romney -> you can't get much shadier than a mormon and a private equity executive. call it my unthinking prejudices. no, actually its my scepticism of alternative Christianity-like "religions" and also my idealistic socialist dislike of rapacious capitalists, however effective they are at getting things done.

my idea of how to get us out of this financial crisis would be to allow a short and sharp recession. we have to avoid inflation at all costs, otherwise we risk falling back into a 1970s style thing, where we defer the pain which will become worse. to clean up the financial system, we should also regulate the hell out of hedge funds and investment banks' incentive (pay) structures. of course, that is my biased view =)

i used to be my own protection, but not now

previous week: What I've Done, Linkin Park

might as well stay on Minutes to Midnight.

three things today:

1. group identity

it's difficult to maintain a web of relationships in a satellite format with you as the centre holding scattered people together. group identity is valuable, and forming a good group is tough. a good group lasts through the separation of time and space. there are is something about basing your identity in something bigger.

2. fallen away

i think i can stop denying the truth and confirm that the brothers have finally broken up, despite legit efforts to try to keep everything together. everyone is leading their own lives now. it is sad, when something a group of people you have based your foundation on, who have gone through shit together, and where (previously) you would have been willing to take a bullet for. all this is gone, and there is a large empty vacuum. floundering a little bit. it's kind of strange because everyone here has been in the same place for awhile, and knows everyone, and has that fallback thing, while your own fallback thing is light where here is dark, and your fallback thing here, your home base, your lender (of emotional capital) of last resort, is gone. broken, and there a most valuable part of your life has drifted away. valuable parts of your life are shared. when and with who can i share this?

already, in planning the holiday, there are some who have fallen away. are there no pleasant surprises? is the cynicism and moroseness thoroughly justified?

3. hollowing out of the self

complaints choir was good. pity about the police permit and the flamboyantly and in-your-face gay people. it was all i could do to not become politically incorrect.

on the old website, i wrote somewhere that i was afraid that being in Penn IV and being "Christian" (as opposed to being a "follower of Jesus") was taking away the old edge, the ability to play games and to be a good politician and presser of flesh. the good news is that it's not gone. but the bad news is a eerie rhyme to Jim Carrey's film, where the mask is in danger of becoming the man. in a way it's born of necessity, as at work (office politics) and having to schmooze at various levels in a busy and work-oriented world means that you have to become immediately interesting and unfortunately shallow. on the other hand, there is something about singing and performing that brings out that side. but it is false, and merely the mask.

slowly seeing the serious one, the wise one, the loving one, the discerning one disappear. please don't. need some provision and reliance and 1-on-1 (or small group at least) serious conversations.

i also serendipitiously met someone i've been hoping to meet for awhile. very few serendipitious things happen in my life, so this may mean something. but it doesn't appear that this is the counterpoint that i have been looking for, although it is good to encounter another point, which would make the second so far this new year. still mulling over the counterpoint though.

i am currently craving for a pulled pork sandwich with sweet barbeque sauce.

lunar curtain

NEWSFLASH: i passed the stupid exam! my capital is saved!

your face like the luminous full moon, framed by your hair like the curtain of a clear night, two stars embedded, and your collar like a reflection projected onto the eerily inky waters of a quiet lake. vision of peace.

lunar => lunatic => insanity.

i've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies

last week: Building a Mystery, Sarah McLachlan

this lady has a voice to die for, and is one of two artistes that i sorely regret never having watched live in the states, the other being Jewel Kilcher.

did i mention before that the surest way to bewitch me is to sing? there's something about a clear pure note, and a clear pure soul behind that seals the deal.

work is picking up - i've been OT-ing a fair amount, and working flat out during regular working hours. i'm actually pretty proud of my efficiency and ability to churn out good ideas under pressure. but for the next few days it's back to pretty mundane stuff.

been busy with rehearsals and trying to stop that self-destructive streak, so no really deep thoughts to share.

for the very best, there is a lot of effort put into nonchalance.

what exactly does the increasing convergence of financial markets mean? although contagion might mean crashes would be steeper, they are likely to be shorter since there are plenty more opportunities for bargain hunting. on the other hand, if there was to be a reversal, as in the pre-1914 period...

i was reading The Bible Code real quick in the church library today and realised that they had gotten 1996 partly right and 2006 completely wrong. i wonder if there will be a second edition?

i can't stand writing in the perfect tense and using all those definite articles. i also hate writing minutes.

next offhand research project => "Then you will know I am the LORD" (Ezekiel) - occurrences and background

where are the fellow thinkers? is the gift of prophecy stirring again?

ahhh... battling obsession and impatience is so difficult. in 3½ weeks will be a possible decision point. put me out of this misery quickly... or forge me in the refiner's fire.

shameless plug

some of you may have heard about the Fringe Festival http://www.singaporefringe.com/ that is currently going on in Singapore. i'll be performing as part of this outfit called "The Complaints Choir", which is basically a bunch of amateurs getting together and engaging in a musical version of Singapore's #4 favourite hobby.

being a lazy bum, i quote from Wikipedia's entry:

Complaints Choir is a community art project that invites people to sing about their complaints in a choir together with fellow complainers. The first Complaints Choir was organized in Birmingham (UK) in 2005 followed by the Complaints Choirs of Helsinki, Hamburg and St. Petersburg in 2006. ... When the video clips of the choirs were distributed through online magazines and video sharing websites, the idea spread quickly to many other countries. To date additional Complaints Choirs have been organized in Bodø (Norway), Poikkilaakso primary school (Helsinki, Finland), Budapest (Hungary), Juneau (Alaska), Gabriola Island (Canada), Melbourne (Australia) and Jerusalem (Israel).

you can also read about it at http://www.complaintschoir.org/

if any of y'all have a minute or two to spare next weekend, please do come support us! our performance schedule is as follows:

Sat 26 Jan
4.00pm Merlion Park

4.45pm Speakers Corner (yes, the under-used one)

5.45pm Singapore Art Museum

Sun 27 Jan

3.00pm The Chamber, Arts House (Old Parliament House)

4.45pm Esplanade (Waterfront Canopy)

5.45pm Vivocity Amphitheatre

this being Singapore, the performances are contingent on getting a permit for them =p

let me know if you'll be there and hope to see y'all next weekend!

you strut your rasta wear and your suicide poem

previous - The Frog Prince, Keane

things seemed to have calmed down a little bit. work is picking up and it was a busy, but fulfilling and fun week and weekend hanging out with friends and trying a couple of new things. slowly and creakily, the edifice seems to be constructed under God's grace.

no emotional storms, so some mildly intellectual-type thoughts. i have taken to writing down some of these. it is quite useful.

From the excellent A Wrinkle in Time by the late Madeleine L'Engle. How did such deep stuff end up in the juniors' section?

Mrs Which:
"The only way to cope with something deadly serious is to try to treat it a little lightly."

French proverb: "Qui plus sait, plus se tait"
or, as more easily understood in Spanish, "Quien sabe mas, mas se calla"

Deep Thought A

A problem of incentives regarding civil services throughout the world is that (high-ranking) decision makers in the public sector seldom have to bear the full brunt of their decisions. We can motivate bureaucrats and politicians to run the country well by forcing them to choose to consume public services.

e.g. they have to send their kids to public schools, receive (a portion of) their medical care through the public health care system, utilise government pension plans, etc.

Deep Thought B

I suggest that the problem with mixing church and state does not generally lie with the church, but with the state. Allowing the church to influence the state, and vice versa, generally leads to giving over to human enforcement the responsibilities of coercion which should rightly reside with God, to exercise as he chooses, whether through human action or not.

In essence, it is abusing the good name of God to justify human coercion, since a purpose of the state is to manage the power of coercion so that it causes minimal (ideally) harm.

feed your people or lose your throne

had a good conversation with Geoffrey yesterday. here's a little something i didn't get to say cos it didn't occur at that time. it wraps up everything (in my worldview at least).

previous song: Freedom - Robbie Williams (carries over, natch)

reflections for 2007 are postponed till next time i have another free post then... maybe 2009.

we were talking about philosophical objections to "development" and he brought up the excellent book (and the concept therein) by Amartya Sen, Development as Freedom. and of course, what does constitute "freedom" per se?

some of the concepts he covers include the freedoms in the economic, political, etc etc sense, which was all hunky dory, but where we came to disagreement was on whether people should be allowed freedom to the degree of being able to choose their values. (of course it can be argued that we were talking about completely different things altogether).

for the record, he did believe in the absolute freedom of people to choose (afternote: may I also recommend Milton Friedman's classic Free to Choose?), while i believe that people are stupid (or whatever negative adjective) and require their freedoms to be curtailed (see Hobbes' Leviathan and various other works by - i believe - Machiavelli and Locke). i also argued that "absolute freedom" also meant the freedom to reject freedom (in a secondary sense).

in short i would argue that absolute freedom (which as mere mortals we will not be able to achieve) means that a person is able to completely appreciate the full effect of his actions, and only then be able to choose the best course of action and reject all others.

as i chewed on this it kind of dawned on me that this is the "freedom" promised by God - the ability and freedom to choose the perfect option which is not open without Him, as there is no omniscience or whatever you want to call the complete appreciation of the fallout of your choice. of course, it does help that he saves your ass and transforms things that were for evil into good.

well... i did feel kind of intelligent for the 2½ hour (or so) duration of the conversation. need more interactions like these.

all we have to do now is take these lies and make them true somehow

this is not a regularly scheduled post.

the title of the last post was from "Solar Coaster" by Solarstone. all the post titles are tangentially related to a song which is in turn tangentially related to my mood when writing =)

today's song is pretty relevant though.

yesterday was one of those days where it was kinda sucky except for a lightbulb moment. but it was a good lightbulb moment, though the answer is incomplete.

those of you who have been keeping updated with the sorry state of my life will know that there is one thing that has been testing me above all other current trials.

one of the takeaways is patience, but that is another story for another day. one of the others is purity of intent. passion, intensity, focus, loyalty... these are qualities that are already present.

but too often, they have been mixed with dross to produce selfish ambition, Machiavellianism and obsession. the focus ends up shifting from the other to the self, and in so doing, breaks the foundation of agape, which is itself the foundation for the other three.

to achieve this particular objective, one must be empty of all of these. this is in order to make the achievement of the objective sustainable and permanent. this is because we are dealing with people here. many things can be taken lightly, but people cannot be taken lightly.

therefore one of the intents of this test is purification! we will have to try very hard to succeed on this one. although the window of opportunity is not open (yet?), this particular project is currently anticipated not only to have high NPV / NFV, but also scores on the "bonus points" which clinch the deal, excuse the mixed metaphors.

yes, i welcome this test to prepare us for a duty that will endure to everlasting.

but then the questions remain. how? to do "nothing"? maybe, because a perpetual need for action is a symptom of obsession. and also, what is the reward? building character is pretty worthy in itself, but we are dealing with an Authority which gives out frequent and bounteous bonuses, though i'm not quite sure what the time frame is for that as well.

i'm amazed that my thoughts were so clear and true

random thought: "2008" read upside down looks a bit like "BOOZ"(E) doesn't it?

reflections this weekend.

happy new year all!