insanity

My mind rebels at stagnation. Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram, or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own proper atmosphere. I can dispense then with artificial stimulants. But I abhor the dull routine of existence. I crave for mental exaltation. ~ Sherlock Holmes - The Sign of Four

"Meaningless! Meaningless!"
says the Teacher.
"Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless."

What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun? ~ Ecclesiates 1:2-3

Thus it is... it is boredom! Ennui! The breaking and slow and painful rebuilding of relationships that take years to put together and months, if not weeks, to break apart. The routine-ness of going through rules and regulations - the tedium of being under-utilised. Where can I get away from?

Those of you who are familiar enough with me will know that I am a little bit bipolar. Underneath a placid, trivial, goofy exterior is a manic ball of energy which combusts spontaneously and frantically, focused like a laser and bringing down barriers to understanding, or if left unattended to its own devices capable of the most spectacular and pitiful acts of self-destruction. I wish, just wish, I could be consistently applied. College academic work was mostly boring but at least there was the wonderful world of relationships to explore. But now? Not even working 30%! (i wouldn't want to be working at 100% though, 70% is good enough).

no offense meant, but i'm in general not being surrounded with exciting people. where to find? exciting people very atas, me low budget, high labour activity.

arghhhhhh.

where is the lion-tamer? the flame has only been tamed by one and one person only thus far... will there be any development on that front? will our hero soar to greater heights or be lost forever in that hall of mirrors of his own making?