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many things, disjointed.

perhaps it's not that you've become a poor listener, but you've been listening to all the wrong things?

maybe the right course of action was not to "do nothing" but to "do something else". seeing things start up again, but still that lost vital kernel is out there, somewhere.

have adopted something quite close to the "nuclear option". there's been no pushback yet, not even a "haven't seen you in awhile." is it vindication? i did not even dare to look at the expression on your face (if any) today. but... purity! i have sacrificed you, or rather that caricature of you for purity. may i gain You and you in the bargain.

asset-backed securities are evil. i have just discovered their fiendish complexity. how does anyone value something like that reliably? plus there are so many loopholes and hidden default scenarios that it smells like one huge Ponzi scheme. toxic, my dear, toxic.

what does it mean not to be a "conventional Christian", yet still not slip into untruth? you don't want to do the cliches and the empty promises. you want to maintain the grittiness and perserverance and general going-through-shit that the Master certainly had. but it's not easy to avoid the venom, the self-righteousness, the cynicism, or the disappointment.

i joined the church choir. this means i have to wake up at 7.00am every Sunday morning. Warm-ups at 8, service at 8.30, breakfast at 10, rehearsal 11 till 1. i like singing though. it's a challenge singing in parts rather than the melody - you get strange sounds stuck in your head. i am now one of three tenors in the choir. got shanghaied in a part wayyyy high for the natural bass-baritone cos they needed people there.

God gives you strange gifts and asks you to make odd and painful sacrifices.

there are a few grains of economic insight somewhere, but we shall reserve them... for the next post. i am tired.